Miss Independent

Throughout my whole life, I've never considered myself a true independent person.  I grew up in a very close family where I was extremely co-dependent on them.  For those of you who don't know I was adopted, and it is extremely common for children who are adopted to have abandonment issues/independent issues.  So, then graduated high school and went right to college.  In college I still had the security and dependence of my family, I was less than 2 hours away from them, but I also had roommates to fill in when my parents couldn't.

The summer before my Junior year of college I began a relationship, my first real relationship.  I was young and in love, it was amazing.  Throughout my junior and senior years I had my roommates, my boyfriend, and still my family.  After I graduated I moved back in with my parents for a few weeks and then moved in with my boyfriend.  We lived together for 3+ years after that.  

You see, I've never truly been alone, I've never had to be independent, ever.  However, a few weeks ago, that all changed.  Circumstances lead us to break up.  I had no place to live (well I had my parents house still of course, but at 25 - the last place I wanted to end back up at was their house) but luckily the bestest of friends let me stay with them until I found my own place to live.  I had to essentially, start all over.

I've been going through a lot of changes these past few weeks.  It's been a lot of firsts for me.  I first had to go off and find an apartment by myself, I've never had to do that before.  Luckily I'm surrounded by so many friends and loved ones that helped me throughout the search process - Thank you to all, you know who are, you guys are the ones who helped me get through this.

I found an apartment in an area I wanted to be in, the rent is at the top of my budget so I've been coming into work early to get over time, for those of you who don't know, this is the busiest season at my job, so not only am I coming in early but I'm also working 6 days a week, jeez.  I've been in the apartment for almost 3 weeks now.  

Another first, living on my own.  As you read above, I've never lived by myself, I've never needed to - honestly, I've never wanted to.  I've been told by many that this is a really good thing for me, living alone.  It's a time that I can really learn about myself and I get to make all the decisions about anything, EVERYTHING!  It's still hard for me, I love my place, but it still doesn't quite feel like home.

Continuing on with all the firsts, is being single.  This past relationship is the only relationship I've ever been in.  Before this, I honestly wasn't looking to be in a relationship, so to me, this now is my first time being single.  Some people are telling me to enjoy it, enjoy being single, others are saying get back out there and have some fun.  I don't want to do either! - now I know that's not possible, but I don't want to be single and alone, but I also don't want to "get back out there", I don't even know how to date.  Awkward encounters, meet ups, and getting to know yous - just sounds, well AWKWARD!

The upside to all of this: I am starting to learn about myself.  I'm learning that I am important.  My thoughts, ideas, and feelings are important! - and that focusing on myself right now isn't a selfish thing, it's an important thing!  And that right now, where I am in my life, it's okay to be a little selfish here and there, it's important for everyone to be a little selfish.  Here's your cliche' statement of the day - I've learned who is really there for me throughout all of this change, family, friends, loved ones.

It might be hard for some people to understand, and honestly sometimes it's hard for even me to understand... but, I don't look at this experience I went through and am still going through as a negative thing.  I once told my mother a few years back while I was smitten by a boy and was in love for the first time ever that, "If I can look back on this relationship when I'm older and if I can remember how I felt here and now, and how it felt to be in love for the first time ever, I think that will be good enough, I think that will make me happy and make me smile."  She reminded me of this statement I made and I can honestly remember how I felt then and it does still make me happy, I had a great first love experience, one for the books, one of fairy tales.  

But just like books or fairy tales sometimes they do end, but it doesn't mean everything has to end, and that's what I'm learning now.  This is not the end of the world, of my world, if anything this is truly only the beginning.  I'm 25 and single.  I'm not tied down to anything, and I have my whole entire life ahead of me.  I can't wait to see where my life takes me and the people I meet along the way.  

My America

This is an exciting day for my blog - this is the first Guest Entry that I've had.  This is an entry about today, September 11th.  This is written by my Bestie, Ms. Anna Demars.  I'm honored to have her write a piece and have me post it on my site.  Enjoy...

May 1999, Anna's 8th grade class trip to NYC

“Where were you on September 11?” it’s a question that has been asked thousands, millions of times even, becoming a part of our national vocabulary. But each answer from each citizen varies, interwoven with individual emotions, fears and facts. I remember where I was: 10th grade, a study hall free period. Honestly, I didn’t think much of it. Before that fateful day, the word ’terrorism’ was not in my vocabulary, I’d never consciously heard it before. But that day I heard it for the first time. As we watched the screens, I kept scanning teachers’ faces, looking to them for how I should feel. Are we, here in upstate NY in danger? Do I know anyone who works in the Trade Towers? I had family in Manhattan, are they safe? Will these ‘terrorists’ continue to bomb each major metropolis until the death toll rises to millions? And, above all, who would hate us so much?

As I transferred to my next class, I anxiously awaited my friend who was in Social Studies, and as the door swung open, releasing the still-unknowing students and teacher, I was the first to exclaim that we had been attacked. The teacher looked to me disapprovingly, as I had been known to be something of a trouble-maker before. I assured her we were in fact under attack, borrowing the phrase Id just heard uttered by every news anchor as they reported to the public, still unaware of the full weight. She gave me a look that betrayed at once her disapproval of my disruption, but something else as well; underneath her furrowed brow was the unmistakable look of another emotion: fear. As unimaginable as what I was telling her seemed, she was afraid I could be telling the truth. As she, my friend and myself made it to the nearest classroom with a tv, she knew I had been telling the truth. Plumes of black smoke now poured from the gaping hole in the towers. I jokingly declared I knew who could’ve done this- China. This statement was reflective of both my naiveté and a life left behind that day: one in which I was blissfully unaware of the degree of hatred capable in human beings. My teacher answered back, saying it had to be a Middle Eastern influence. I was silent. Why? I wondered.

The day went on with an electric charge, some students cried, not knowing where their family members who lived/worked in the city were, others speculated on what would come next, but classes resumed. For me, what came after 9/11 was what made me realize the profundity of what had happened. The amount of destruction, loss of lives and carnage seemed insurmountable. But out of the wreckage came.. hope. And a newfound sense of freedom. Id not been fully aware of my freedom, tangible freedom, before this event. Id only sung the word while reciting national anthem and parroting why it was one of my favorite things about this country in which I lived. But now I saw. They hate because we are free. They hate because in the face of such total destruction, both human and man-made, we stood taller than ever before. Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense at the time, remarked terrorism isn’t about killing people or destroying buildings. Terrorism operates out of a change in behavior, one in which we behave differently than we did before, because we were afraid.

America was not afraid after 9/11. Photo after photo of men and women of all shades of the spectrum and every creed assisted one another while the buildings burned and debris fell. The impossibly brave firemen and police gathered with their units and ladders, asserted that this could potentially be their last day on earth, said a prayer, and walked in, accepting their fate. I recall in the days and weeks after the Red Cross turning volunteers away. Citizens now joined the FDNY and NYPD in canvassing the rubble, searching for bodies, and after it became clear there were no more survivors, body parts. The nation stood united in a way it had never been before, at least in my (albeit short) lifetime. I felt proud in a real way, being a citizen of a nation like this one. ‘Proud to be an American’ took on a profundity I had not previously known. From the ground to the skies that day reverberated what our nation’s citizens were capable of: The brave souls of United flight 93, after speaking with loved ones a final time, took down what was to be the 3rd aerial attack on our nation. The terrorists were not successful in crashing United 93 into the Capitol, and, even though the others against the Pentagon and Trade Towers were carried out, they, too, were unsuccessful. We showed from the rural Shankesvillle, PA to the sprawling metropolis of downtown Manhattan and throughout the country, what we were capable of.

We watched, horrified at first. Then we cried. Then we got angry. But then, we united. Out of the ashes certain things were deemed immaterial: Democrat, Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian. Our individual identities were momentarily erased, and we all something else: Americans. Out of the rubble emerged a new America, a stronger, infinitely more united America.

This is my America.

I am an American.

And they cannot take that away.

The view from the top of the World Trade Center. May, 1999

The view from the top of the World Trade Center. May, 1999

“America will never run. And we will always be grateful that liberty has such brave defenders.”
-President George W. Bush

A Must Read!

No matter if you are a male or a female...

or feel you are too old or too young...

Please take time to read this article...
... you'll thank me later.

25 Things I Want Myself to Know at 25

Below, quoted straight from her blog are my favorites that she has listed....

"Most of the time, you don’t know anything about anything. That was true when you were 15 and that will be true when you are 65. You do, however, know how to be a good person and you know how to follow your heart. Keep doing that and you’ll be just fine.                                                                                                                                                                  

Be grateful for that moment when you decided to stop being such a sarcastic asshole and let your guard down long enough to fall in love and let someone fall in love with you. Even if it ends in heartbreak, it is still one of the greatest adventures you have been on.                                                                                                                                 

Always make time for your parents. They might live for another 67 years…but they probably won’t. Enjoy the time you spend with them. Don’t try to rush off the phone when they are telling you about their week. Enjoy getting to know them as their adult child and realize that they still have a lot to teach you.   

                                                                             

Keep writing. Know that some of the things you write will be really bad. Write anyway. Write because it makes you happy. Write because it’s important to have hobbies. Write because sometimes, on very rare occasions, the things you write will be more powerful than you would have ever thought possible.                                                                                                                                                                                    

It is good to have a plan but remember that it is OK to wander off the path a little and get lost. You have an amazing support system that will be there with you through it all.                                                                                                                                                                                     

Be thankful that you are the youngest in your family and you have been able to learn from the mistakes of your siblings. But also be thankful that you are able to learn from their success and the wonderful people they have become.                                                                                                                                                                          

Be fearless and be brave. You are no longer the two year old little girl who was scared to go in the sand and walk down stairs. You are the young woman who has traveled the world, worked for causes you believed in and taken on a multinational financial institution. You are brave and you are fearless. Don’t forget it.     
          

Believe in something bigger than you. Something that you will never understand. Whether it’s God or the Universe just believe in something because when everything else fails, which is bound to happen, all you’ll have left is your faith that things will get better."                                                                                   

Thank you CapitalOne!

I was lucky enough to be invited on a weekend getaway with Mike and Jeanine!  Mike had decided to cancel one of his credit cards and needed to use his reward points beforehand which led us to a weekend trip to Burlington, VT - Thank you CapitalOne!  We headed out early Saturday morning so we'd have the whole day to explore.  

We got to our hotel around 1:00, dropped off our stuff and headed right into downtown Burlington.  We had lunch reservations at the Farmhouse Tap & Grill to try this "famous" burger Mike's co-workers have been raving about.  It was a beautiful 75 degrees and sunny day.  We decided to sit outside so we could enjoy this burger in this beautiful weather.

Jeanine and I found the perfect drinks for this perfect weathered day...

Now onto the burger...

LaPlatte River Angus Farm Beef

Landaff Creamery “Landaff” cheese, local bacon, pickled red onions

We decided to have Mike do a before and after picture to really show the deliciousness of this burger.  Before eating the burger we had heard rumors of it being better than New World Bistro's burger, we were about to find out which burger was really better...

We had come to the conclusion after eating the food that both burgers are good, if we could combine attributes of both burgers into one, we'd have one fantastic burger.  After we finished eating we headed out to do some exploring.  Some streets had been closed off and turned into a street fair/farmers market kind of thing with all the main stores open for the public too.  We walked through the streets and made our way down to the beautiful waterfront and then looped back up to the streets.

After walking around, shopping, eating, and enjoying the town all day, we were pooped!  On our way out we stopped at a Candy store and did a lot of damage.  We headed back to the hotel to wind down and relax for the rest of the night.  We ordered take out, relaxed in bed and then dove head first into our mounds of sugar.

After finally waking up for the unbelievable sugar coma we put ourselves in - memo to self: never, ever try to eat as much sugar as Jeanine, ever again... - we got up, got ready, and headed to get some breakfast before heading back home.  

We had passed a place in our exploration yesterday that looked interesting so we headed there for breakfast.  It's called The Skinny Pancake.  It's known for their wide variety of crepes!  We got there about 30 minutes after they opened and the line for fresh crepes was already forming and the place was already filling up.

Jeanine: Hot Apple Crispy: VT apples, pure VT honey, cinnamon sugar, and VT Whipped cream

Mike: Noah's Ark: two eggs cooked to order, two slices of bacon, side of sausage and two cinnamon sugar sweet crepes.  Served with a side of VT maple syrup

Julie: Biscuits and Herbed Sausage Gravy: entirely made from scratch.  Served with two eggs to order and fried sage

Breakfast was delicious.  The quick weekend getaway was just what we all needed.  Perfect weather for what we needed.  It was beautiful in Vermont, I wish I had taken more nature and/or scenery pictures, but food pictures are always good too :-]  If you get a chance get out to Burlington before winter strikes, late summer or early fall it is truly a beautiful place.

Wedding Hair Prep

On Sunday I headed over to Jeanine's house where her very good friend Casey was meeting us to do some wedding hair trials.  We came as prepared as we could for Casey with pictures of what we thought we would like or what we thought would work good for the big day.  However Casey came even more prepared, with multiple curlers, hair ties, bobby-pins, and more hair products than you could imagine - she was ready for whatever we were going to throw at her!  We started off with my hair first...

Casey was able to replicate exactly what I wanted.  A simple one sided braid into a side curled pony tail.  My bridesmaid dress is a one shoulder so this style is going to work perfectly and help keep my hair out of my face.  Next it was onto the Bride-to-be's hair..

Her style she wanted was a full head of loose curls with some pieces pulled back out of her face.  She  was able to improvise with the pink feather accessory since she doesn't have her bird cage style veil.  Casey did a great job with her hair also, we all were completely satisfied and now even more cannot wait for Jeanine's big day to get here.  This was her first time doing hair for a wedding and she did a wonderful job.  A big thanks to Casey for all of your hair and beauty help on this!

Painters in Training

On Friday the 12th after work, Caitlin and Rachel picked me up at home and we headed to Saratoga for our first Paint and Sip experience!  We had signed up for the "Almond Blossoms" painting.  We arrived a little late, so we checked in, got our smocks on, and luckily there were 3 seats next to each other we could all sit at.  We followed along with the instructors directions and started to mix colors together for the background of our "art-work".  As it was drying, we went up to the bar and got our wine-on!

After our backgrounds dried, we were instructed on how to paint the branches, then the apple blossoms, then the black outlines to highlight the branches, and finally to sign our names.  After each instruction we were free to paint while music blasted through the speakers.  You get to paint, sing your heart out, drink, and spend time with friends - what's better than that?!

All and all the class lasted about 2 hours.  After you signed your name and your painting dried a little, we were instructed to get into the groups of friends we came with for pictures of our masterpieces.  Below is the picture of our 3 pieces...

If anyone is looking for something new and different to try, check out their website to see if you are interested in any of their upcoming paintings and then sign up!  A new location is opening soon in Latham - which will be a lot easier for Albany drivers to get too!

Cannot wait to sign up for our next masterpiece Caitlin and Rachel!

Family Vacation 2013

This past week (Saturday June 22-29) my family + Aaron and Heather rented a house in Narragansett, Rhode Island.  Not only was it a family affair, but the house had a fenced in back yard so the puppies were allowed to join us on vacation!  The house was a raised ranch style and had 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a finished basement, living room, dining room, full kitchen, and a back porch with furniture and a grill.  It was heaven.

Out of the days that we were there Saturday-Wednesday we had sunny, perfect beach weather.  Aaron and I checked out 3 separate beaches while we were there and loved all of them, minus the crazy "entry" fees they charge!  All 3 beaches were different we had an almost empty beach to ourselves, a very crowded popular beach, and then a medium filled beach, but a beach is a beach and as long as we had room for our chairs, blanket, and cooler we were all good.

Besides the beach, one of the mornings we split up from the boys to have some girl time and let the boys do boy things.  Aaron, Steve, and Dad decided to go golfing.  Mom, Heather, and I decided to go do some shopping, drive around the island and find some cool place by the water to grab some lunch.  We ended up at a place called Jim's Dock and sat out back right by a marina.  The food and the view were perfect.  Later that day, Aaron and I decided to head into New Port for the day.  We walked all around and did some window shopping - we bought one thing, and that one thing was of course fudge.  Later on Steven and Heather met up with us.  We walked around with them for a bit and then we hopped in our cars and decided to do the Mansion tour on the island.  These houses were OUT OF THIS WORLD.  As soon as we thought we'd seen the biggest, coolest, most bad-ass mansion, we'd drive a little further and see another one.  Unfortunately I don't have a picture of this one, but the coolest one we all decided was one that looked identical to a castle.  It had stone walls and as we drove past I counted 9 chimneys, 9! - who needs 9 chimneys!  After a while the mansions made us a little depressed so we decided to head back home.  One of the coolest parts of the New Port trip is the bridge connecting the islands.

Another cool part of the trip was the day the family decided to have lobster!  Now I am not a lobster person, I don't believe a person should have to work THAT hard to get to their food, also watching people eat lobster gives me hot mouth, but my family sure loves it so that's all that matters!  This specific lobster-fest was also Aaron and Heather's first time eating lobster this way, shell crackin' and all!

      

Thursday it rained so Steven, Heather, Aaron and I decided to road trip it to Boston for the day.  We got in around 4 and walked around Quincy Market.  We got lunch and tried to stay out of the rain as much as possible, luckily it was just a light rain.  Then we headed to Fenway! Aaron and I have never been to Fenway so we were super excited to go to this game and Steven's a Red Sox fan so their was excitement all around!

It was a 7:00 game against the Toronto Blue Jays.  In the top of the 2nd inning the Red Sox were on fire!  They went on a 7-0 run against the Blue Jays it was awesome.  We even got to see a home run over the Green Monster, the crowd was awesome, it was a good time!  Their was misty rain, the lights were on, our seats were amazing and the Red Sox were winning, it was a really good time.  Unfortunately Aaron and I had to leave the game at the bottom of the 3rd to go home and take care of Muhka.  We were upset we had to leave because we were having a really good time with Steven and Heather.  Luckily we saw all of the Red Sox scoring in that one inning and the Red Sox came out with the W!

With the rainy weather that came in towards the end of our vacation, we used Friday to pack and clean up the house and headed out Friday evening instead of Saturday morning.  Overall it was a great vacation and I'm sad it's over and we're back to the real world of waking up and going to work instead of the beach.  If you haven't been to Rhode Island you should check it out, Narragansett is beautiful!

To quote Steven: 

Steven Sisk

Yesterday via mobile

A much needed week of golf, beach, seafood, baseball, & family comes to an end. Work tomorrow