Friendship

Transitioning into my "older" twenties I've begun to learn a lot of about life, myself, and others...

One major thing I've learned and are continuing to learn about is:

The difference between friendships when you're younger vs friendships now.

To me "friendship" isn't a simple definition.  There are so many different kinds and levels of friendship.  The best thing about the many different kinds of friendship is that they can overlap, intertwine, and jump from one to another.

"Unbreakable Friendships"

There are those select friendships you are lucky enough to have that are beautiful and long-lasting.  Nothing can keep you apart guys apart!  If you're lucky enough you get to see and hang out with them regularly.  However, if you're not lucky enough to live close to each other thankfully we have technology, it's the best you can do sometimes- thank you iPhones!  These kinds of friendships are unbreakable because you both are lucky enough to have formed such a strong connection and love for each other, nothing can tear you apart.

"Memorable Friendships"

There are those friendships that you had and will always treasure, but you've both begun to move your separate ways in life.  Again, luckily for technology we will forever be "bonded" in some form with our friends.  Facebook, instagram, Twitter, and the ever popular phone app - timehop.  We are able to in a few finger swipes go "back in time" and relive memories, good or bad, with friends.  These kinds of friendships are memorable because even if you don't keep in contact, everybody enjoys a good stroll down memory lane, which can in return reignite the friendship flame!

"Timeless Friendships"

There are those friendships where months, sometimes even years go by where you can't or don't keep in touch with each other.  But that moment you reconnect it's like no time at all has gone by and you pick up right where you left off.  These kinds of friendships are timeless because your bond is deep and strong that "time" has no power over your connection.  Once reunited it's right back to normal.

"Group Friendships"

There are those friendships you form in groups.  A common interest or activity can create a group of people that you bond with.  These kinds of friendships are great because it's always fun to do things in groups.  You get to meet a lot of new people who others bring into group settings - and it's always fun to put yourself out there and meet new people!

It's up to you to decide whose friendship is important to you.

And to my friends - thank you!  You all help make me a better person every day and in return I hope I do the same for you.  I treasure each and every one of you.  You are all beautiful.

Time For a Good Cleansing

It's complete coincidence that the New Year has begun and I'm ready for a new start.  It's time for a life cleanse.  What a journey these past 2 years have been.  As I look back and reflect I wouldn't change what happened and what I went through for anything - it made me stronger and more confident, and for that I'll always be grateful.  But there comes a time when you must let go of parts of your past in order to really let yourself move on and enjoy your present and future.

Personally for me, this meant a complete online-social cleanse.  I decided that this was no small task and I was in charge of how I wanted this to happen.  This was no easy cleanse for me.  We had shared a friendship for many years before a relationship was ever in the cards for us.  I took a few days to reflect and look back at the good, new and exciting, not so good, sad and bad times "we" shared.  I put "we" in quotes because at a time there was a "we" but as life went on "we" became pulled apart and moved on with our lives in separate directions.

I've since started on a new path with a new "we" and as I'm learning and growing with this new "we" I'm finding a new happiness that's so scary and thrilling yet unbelievably beautiful and exciting.  I figured it's only fair to myself to fully let go and allow myself to move forward.  

Everybody is different which means everybody deals with their exes in different ways.  Some people need to completely cut off all communication.  Other's can stay friends or friendly.  Some never get  the closure they want while others get more than they asked for.  

My only advice is find what works for you.  

It's your life and you are in charge of how you live it.
Deal and cope in a way that makes you feel happy.  

Because when you're happy, you're beautiful!

Humerus Update

I had my follow up appointment on Wednesday.  It's been about 10 weeks since I broke my arm and about 4 weeks out of a cast!  My bones are healing correctly which is great! - however now there is a concern with my nerves.  A "fuse" is blown from my spine that sends signals to my left arm.  I start occupational therapy 3x a week to try to get things moving and the "fuse" turned back on. 

My first OT appointment was yesterday.  I really like my therapist and she was happy with the limited ranger of "motion" I have already.  We did some tests and stretches and then she taped my shoulder and arm up to help realign my shoulder, muscles and nerves.  I have at home exercises to help regain strength and motion.

I asked my therapist if she had any inkling of a time frame of how long I'll be rehabbing my arm.  Her response: You're in for a very long rehab.  

That's all for now, enjoy the benefits of being able to use both of your arms!

Nothing "Humerus" About This

March 12, 2014 started out like any other day in Upstate New York... it was a "beautiful" beyond freezing cold, grey skied filled day with the added bonus of an intense ice storm paying us a visit - lucky us!  I sat at work starring at the clock anxiously waiting for my computers clock to hit 5:30 - and just as it did I was out the door.  

As the door closed behind me I was slowly watching my steps to my car and in an instant I was laying on the icy cold black top parking lot on my back.  I sat up and tried to just shake it off, assuming I just slipped - no big deal, right?  WRONG!  Warning to all readers to stop reading here because "spoiler alert" it gets pretty graphic.  As I sat up I slowly swayed my head, stretched my neck, wiggled my toes and moved my legs - perfect they were all working perfect and nothing hurt.  Then I realized something though just was not right.  My left arm was behind my back in a 90 degree angle and my hand and fingers were wiggling and touching the inner part of my right arm - gross!

I somehow was able to stay completely calm.  I was able to reach in my pocket and grab my phone to call for help.  My co-workers flooded out to me sliding also.  Generosity goes a long way, everyone stood in the freezing rain with me until paramedics arrived and even gave me blankets and extra coats to keep me as warm as possible.

I had successfully made it to 26 years old without any broken bones or surgery of any sort and in the blink of an eye I had then just shattered that healthy streak.  The movement onto a stretcher, up into the ambulance and then the pot-hole filled ride to the hospital will forever be remembered.  My parents couldn't make it u due to how severe the ice storm had become.  So two of my co-workers came with me to the hospital (Thank you thank you thank you Kelena and Ann).  They stayed until my brother and his girlfriend were able to come stay with me.

I had x-ray's and a lot of sitting around and waiting with zero pain meds.  Finally an IV was put in but I could still feel everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING!  The two ER Doctors got into position as they quickly "reset" my arm and put it into a makeshift cast - I still felt everything and I do not know how I didn't cry once.  I now know that I have an extremely high tolerance for pain.

Finally around midnight I was released and went back to my brothers to try to sleep.  Thank you Steven and Heather for being with me in the ER and for helping me home.  My parents came the next morning to bring me to their house until I healed.  Here is my first cast from the ER...

I had to suffer with the pain because the meds were making me sick until Friday when I was going to see a bone specialist.  That appointment was almost as painful as my initial ER visit.  They cut me out of the cast and my arm had to hang freely for awhile and then due to the severity of my break: Left humerus broken in 3 places.  I was placed in a weighted cast to try to keep my bones, muscles, and nerves all aligned.  I kid you not this sucker weighed about 15-20 pounds and was over an inch thick.  I was told no work for another 2 weeks and went back to my parents.

It was a long 2 weeks of doing nothing because of how heavy my cast was.  I went back for my follow up and my Doctor said everything was healing perfectly!  I was beyond happy!  It took 2 people to saw me out of my cast.  I was then put into a small brace with a sling and made another follow up appointment for another 2 weeks.  Still out of work and living at my parents.

I was loving the freedom the brace gave me but I was in a lot of pain.  I went through the whole weekend with this pain and it not getting any better so after the weekend we went up for an emergency meet up with my doctor.  He said he was so impressed by how I was healing he may have taken me out of my weighted cast too soon.  So I was taken out of the brace and put back into a cast nut this one was a fiberglass cast so it was SOOO much lighter than my previous one.  I got to pick a color - if you know me you know what I chose.  Black.  I was to come back in another 2 weeks again and continue to stay out of work.

I returned to the doctors 2 weeks later where he instructed me to stay in the cast another 10 days :-[ FINALLY on April 23 I was cast free!!!!  I'm back in the arm brace and I will go back to see him in about 3-4 weeks - unfortunately he wasn't overly excited with my x-ray results so surgery is still a possibility if my one bone continues to mess with my nerves.  

I came back to Albany, my life, and to my apartment this week and returned to work yesterday on a modified schedule: 4 hour work days for two weeks.  So there you have it - my story from the beginning break to now.  Here's a picture from my first day back at work which perfectly shows how I felt to be back:

I'd like to finish this post by stating I typed this entire thing with one hand and I'm exhausted.

Side Note:  I have been asked by many people how it is living home again with my parents.  I love my parents and we have a great relationship.  As much as I hate losing my independence while healing I am loving this time I'm getting to spend with them.  We've been laughing, crying, arguing, and making up all together and as terrible as this accident is, I feel blessed to have all of this time to spend with them.  Thank you Mom and Dad.  Not just for taking care of me through this but for everything you've already done for me and for the things you will do in the future for and with me.  Infinite xoxo's

Spread Positivity

what do YOU want?

Have you ever been asked the question: What do you want?...

What do you want right now?

What do you want out of life?

What do you want for your future?

What do you want to do?

And there are probably hundreds of other options but you get the gist.  The point is: Things come in and out of our lives sometimes sporadically and sometimes more frequent.  Regardless of how often or not often things happen - the smallest to largest change can alter what you want. 

In a perfect world these questions wouldn't even be asked because they wouldn't relevant.  You'd already have anything and everything you could ever want.  But the world isn't perfect.  Thus giving these questions the power, the power to make us question, despise, reevaluate, learn, and enjoy our lives we have set up for ourselves.  

But I do feel as though these questions can be answered.  Answering these questions isn't the hard part.  The hard part is making your answers become your reality!  I want to be happy, healthy, loved, enjoyed, and even spoiled.  I want my life and future to be unlimited!  I want the whole world and I also want to be alone.  I want the best of both worlds.  

I'm now finding that answering these questions is simple and now I have to do what I want to achieve these.  Surrounding myself with family and friends and taking advantage of this time in my life to do whatever I want!  Travel, splurge, go out with friends - enjoying myself and my time.  This is what I've learned that will help me achieve my answers to "what I want?".

So whether you're happy and loving life or feeling a little lost or down, take a moment and ask yourself what do you want? and then... go do it!... You will thank me later.

Soundtrack

Music is such a simple yet powerful thing.  I grew up with music being a part of my life in every single shape and form (my parents were both music teachers, to be exact - they were both MY music teachers).  I can say from those experiences I am not a performer but I do have an unbelievably deep appreciation for music.  Listening to music is where I found my passion for music to be.

For as long as I can remember I've used music as a form of escaping and also enjoying my life:

I'm a sucker for a good love pop song for sad and happy days.  There's nothing like an old school boy band group love song to help you remember how good love can be... or can't be.

When going out with friends, there's nothing like a good "club banger" to really get your night going.  Put on a song with a good beat and get everybody up and dancing.

On the first nice spring day of the year, I love to gather friends in a car and drive with no specific destination in mind with the windows down blasting hip hop and rap songs with everyone attempting to rap along - we all sound just like Drake and Rhianna right? RIGHT!

Having a down day? - no problem.  That's something that Britney, Christina, Mariah, and Whitney can help get you through by singing your heart out... GIRL POWER!

I also find music extremely influential for me.  There are certain songs that I come across and they have a way of making me feel invincible.  A certain song about love and adventure will make me ache for the same love and adventure they're feeling in the song.  I've always had the sort of imagination that allowed me to escape reality and become fully involved in movies, television shows, and songs.  I can feel what characters are going through or what songs are singing about.  As soon as they end, I'm sad... I want them to continue.  I want to feel more of what they're going through.

My point for this post is to find your very own soundtrack.  Music helps enhance every part of your life, not JUST the sad ones.  Make memories with songs so when they come back on your ipod randomly it brings a smile to your face and memories flow.

Music is therapeutic.
Music is empowering.
Music brings people together.

Listen and enjoy.

Listen and learn.

Listen and love.

Listen and live.